Hoover Maneuver: The silent emotional abuse

When we say Hoover Maneuver, it is an act used by narcissists to suck their victims back into a relationship with them.This is a kind of emotional abuse that people experience every day usually when one partner threatens to leave a relationship or actually leaves a relationship. 

There’s nothing more damaging to your self-worth and self-esteem than being in an emotionally abusive relationship. It starts with blame, anger, and disappointment. In some cases, neither the abuser nor the victim is fully aware it’s happening. 

This Hoover Maneuver act sometimes occur when the abuser left the relationship and is feeling frightened or alone so they suck back in their partners to fulfill what they needed. In a typical hoovering, the abuser may persuade their victims by showing kindness, making promises, vows, showing romance or they will even pledge their loyalty to their victims. 

When the victim believes everything about what the abuser says or do, he/she will re-enter the relationship all over again. This is common for those who are in an on and off relationships. The sad truth about this, the abuser has really no intention in making the relationship work out because he/she will just use you to get their needs met.

The hooverer will use you until they no longer need you and they will mindlessly dump you without considering your feelings and how it will affect you. Usually after a hovering Act, victims are left wondering why the abuser left. 

But how does one person know if she/he is in an emotionally abusive relationship? Usually the victim is not aware of this behavior and the Hoover maneuver act begins after they’ve left you or dumped you.

I’ve listed 5 signs that your partner/ex is hoovering you to death:

1. They apologize for their behavior
This is the first step in hoovering. The abuser will apologize for everything they’ve done by owning up their mistakes to pull you at your heartstrings. Remember that their words will sound very convincing but trust me, they are not that really sincere. 

2.They send you messages pretending like nothing happened
You’ll eventually get a text message from them saying “hey what’s up” or something similar to that. They’ll continue harassing you with random text messages or make “ghost” phone calls. Do not engage because it’s a trap.

3. They will try to get your attention by asking for help
The abuser will go to any extent to get your attention and ask for your sympathy. This is a common trick in a hovering technique that every victim actually falls for because people have the tendency to show compassion to others. So unless it’s s a life and death emergency, have the urge to resist this trick.

4. They will go different routes by reaching out to your friends or family members
If the abuser can’t get through you, he/she will manipulate your friends in order for him to get your attention. They’ll befriend your family members/ friends and show how good they are to them. 

5. They make a fake gesture of caring 

Abusers will make you feel loved by treating you like you’re special to them.  They’ll even care for you and if you happen to give in to their side tricks, they will slowly push you away. 

After all the hoovering acts the victims waits, hopes and wonder when they will come back. Often times, victims are left with no reason at all. Abusers will make their victims feel loved and leave them when the victim already falls to their senseless acts. 

To recover from the pain of this type of relationship, victims should avoid connections to the abuser. It is advisable to go no-contact to make it impossible for the abuser to contact you by any means of communication.

Though it may seem tempting to go back to their arms again because you feel secured and loved, but the sad truth behind it, narcissistic hooverer doesn’t really care about you. They treat you as part of their stupid mind games. The reason they’re hoovering because they fear abandonment and they fear commitment. They don’t have the guts to commit to a loving relationship.

source: yourtango.com

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